By Thomas Davis, CRNA               Follow @procrnatom on Twitter

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.”   Remember that old English saying from your days growing up with other children who didn’t always consider the damage that could be done with words? You were told to ignore name calling because, after all, “You know who you are and no physical harm is done.” We have all had a time when our bones were intact but our emotions and self-esteem took a quick dive down the drain after being on the receiving end of unkind words. Clearly, words do matter.

Articles published in business and management literature identify traits of the ideal workplace and include the concepts of workers feeling valued, respected and making a difference to the organization. Efforts to create a workplace of choice are enhanced when leaders consciously decide to use optimistic and empowering words to encourage team members. The words you choose to use will either empower or demoralize your team. Equally important, the tone and the manner in which they are delivered will determine the response that they receive.

A recent blog article by Child Development Institute, 20 Ways to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen , offers practical advice to improve communication between adults and children. As a leadership coach who has seen first-hand the amazing results that occur when empowering language is delivered to adults in a manner that promotes the person’s self-esteem, I noticed some striking similarities between principles of communicating with children and converting an ordinary job site into a preferred workplace, a place where people enjoy their work and grow professionally. Here are a few of the tips:

• Refer to people by name. Using a name creates a personal connection.
• Use empowering language. Release the power of your team by using words that focus on what is desired, what can be done, and the resources that are available to complete the task. Replace the words might and try with the words will and can to create an expectation of success.
• Suggest options and alternatives. Rather than giving an answer, be a thinking partner and help the person discover a solution.   Asking open ended questions will stimulate the person to consider alternatives instead of doing the first thing that you suggest.
• Give your full attention. When you talk with a colleague, keep your eyes and your interest on the other person and off of your mobile device. Giving only partial concentration while the other person is speaking sends the message that their ideas and opinions are not important. Fidgeting or glancing at your watch suggests you’re anxious to move on.
• Use appropriate volume, tone and posture. Make sure that your delivery matches the message you want to send. Use secure posture and a have a decisive voice to send a message to those around you that things are under control.
• Keep it simple. Avoid giving a long list of tasks all at once. Allowing the person to bring one thing to completion before distracting them with several follow-on items will produce better overall results.
• Avoid nagging. Be gentle but firm in establishing timelines and naming the person responsible for completing a task. Check for understanding so that both you and the other person have the same expectations.
• Demonstrate good manners and mutual respect.   View yourself as a master clock by setting the emotional tone for the workplace. Others will follow your example and mirror the way you interact with them.
• Welcome new ideas and don’t interrupt. Remember, the goal is to be a thinking partner who sincerely wants to hear what others have to offer. By being a good listener and making it your goal to understand rather than to rebut, you will create a safe place for new ideas to emerge and grow.
• Don’t sweat the small stuff.   Accept the notion that OK really is OK most of the time. The perfect solution tomorrow is not as valuable as the reasonable solution today.

There you have it and it’s just as simple as uncomplicated as communicating with children. Whether you are the leader or a team member, the words that you choose to use will influence and impact those around you. As you master the art of empowering others through your language, your tone and your delivery, those you interact with will feel respected, valued and important. Use the tips for communicating with children to energize your team and create your own workplace of choice.

Thomas Davis is a respected leader, educator and author.  His book Leader Reader 1, Authentic Lessons in Leadership is available on Amazon books and has been added to the leadership reading list at several Universities.   Currently Tom is coaching values-based leadership with Third River Partners and actively providing clinical anesthesia. 

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