Are there certain people whom you just can’t stand to be with because of their victim attitude? If so, you are not alone. My “office” is an operating room in which I work with a combination of physicians, nurses and support staff and the human interactions I’ve witnessed within the OR are similar to those described in business and industry. Working with a person who seeks victimhood casts a negative tone that lowers the mood in the room and can reduce the productivity of the entire team. The vicitim attitude of one can destroy the positive attitude of many.
A Chief OR Nurse tells this story.
“We work in an outpatient center with many doctors, one who is a very talented surgeon with skills that are respected by colleagues and patients. For a long time, the nurses and surgical technicians actively avoided being assigned to this doctor’s room knowing that he couldn’t be pleased and that everything would somehow be our fault. If we knew in advance that we were stuck with him, we always arrived early and double checked everything to make sure it was exactly the way he wanted it. But nothing we did made any difference. The surgeon would instantly set a negative tone by nit-picking and letting us all know that he was having to accommodate our deficiencies. His attitude continued throughout the operating schedule keeping us constantly on edge and the unrelenting tension while working with the surgeon was rapidly reaching the boiling point.”
Clearly, the surgeon arrived every day seeking victimhood, but why?
In 1968 Stephen Karpman published his classic work on the Drama Triangle. The DT has 3 positions for personality – The Victim, The Persecutor and The Rescuer – and at one time or another most people spend some time in each of the three roles. Others believe that it’s inevitable to react to life as a victim.
Consciously or not, why does anyone want to be seen as a victim?
- Creating a “they are out to get me” mentality generates sympathy.
- Being a victim diverts attention to the faults of others.
- Victims can retreat to a “safe zone” and avoid risk.
- Most important, being a victim removes accountability and the risk of failure, creating an atmosphere of, “I did the best I could.”
In the Chief OR Nurse’s story, the surgeon with the victim attitude felt insecure and he viewed the team as the persecutor. In spite of his excellent skills, he could not proceed with his cases until he established that “It’s not my fault,” and, “I’m doing the best I can.” The OR Nurse reported that a head-on collision was eminent so, as a team, they took preventative action.
“Our support team had a meeting and discussed our frustration. As we talked about the Karpman Triangle, the team became aware that the problem was with the insecurity of the surgeon and not with our skills or our commitment to excellence. We agreed that we should focus on creating an environment in which the surgeon felt safe and secure to work. Over the next few weeks we all started greeting the surgeon in the morning with a cheerful we-can-do-it attitude. During the day, we allowed the surgeon to overhear us as we focused on working as a collective team with everyone verbally sharing accountability for a positive outcome on every case. It was actually a pretty simple fix. The sense of shared responsibility took the burden off the surgeon’s shoulders and in short order his constant criticism stopped. Now he’s almost fun to work with.”
There are many approaches to dealing with the person who drags the group down by constantly playing the role of Victim. A traditional leader might be tempted to call the person in and tell him to shape up or ship out. But an observant and insightful leader engages with a victim in a way that capitalizes on the talents of each individual and strengthens the sense of common purpose, creating a team that’s ship-shape.
Thomas Davis is a respected leader, educator and author. His book Leader Reader 1, Authentic Lessons in Leadership is available on Amazon books and has been added to the leadership reading list at several Universities.